Of Slithering Serpents and Such...

With cooler weather quickly approaching, (that's what they keep telling us anyway...) snakes are on the move. And while we haven't really seen much of that oh-so coveted "cooler weather", we have seen the snakes!
 I don't like snakes. In fact, I hate them. I abhor them. The only good snake is a dead snake... And even then, it's iffy.
So when this bad boy decided to show up in our back yard, RIGHT beside our back porch, I decided to kill him. Heartless, I know.
 I crash through the garage, tripping on various objects of interest, but nothing to kill a snake with. Finally I locate a somewhat dull hoe on the back porch and head out to the battlefield. In the heat of the battle, while the darn snake is attempting to strike at me, my hoe BREAKS. Like, the wooden handle snaps in half. My only means of defense is now useless. WHILE the snake is trying to strike me with his fangs that contain venom that is POISONOUS. Great. Lovely. Fantastic.
But lo and behold, I turn to see my little sister standing there behind me with fresh reinforcements. Another hoe. And this one doesn't have a wooden handle. This one is genuine fiberglass. "GIVE ME THAT HOE!" I scream madly state calmly. After all, the first thing to do in a dangerous situation is to remember to stay calm.
So I "calmly" snatch the hoe from my sister's hands and "calmly" begin laying into the snake with a fury that would scare... I don't know. Something scary. 

10 rattlers on that disgusting creature.... They call me....the Snake Wrangler. Or Mangler. Whatever.

But the story doesn't stop with my heroic, and somewhat mad-woman, slaying of the rattlesnake. Last night, on the way home from church, we saw yet another 3 foot long, rattlesnake (also owning 10 rattlers) on the side of the dirt road... After running over him, we followed common practice and all get out with a flash light to look at him. But he wasn't dead, so Abigail (once again acting as the weapon expert), suggests that we throw this pair of pliers that she just found in the back seat of the car at him to finish him off. Pliers. My father and I look at her with  facial expressions that may or may not have insinuated that she had lost her very last marble. But desperate times call for desperate measures. So Father accepts said pliers from said weapon expert and begins his Chinese Throwing Star-like moves. With a pair of pliers. Turns out, plier throwing is a pretty effective method of killing a snake. And my Daddy is a pretty darn good Plier Thrower.

Of course, we had to load up the dead snake in a box in the back of the car and take him home to show off to the family. In the kitchen. In the KITCHEN!

DISCLAIMER- Please PLEASE do not try this at home. "Snakes can actually still strike you, even after they're dead." -Says Daddy, who is playing with the dead snake who can STILL STRIKE EVEN AFTER HE IS DEAD. (And have I mentioned yet that this snake is in our KITCHEN?!) But let's just see if we can force some deadly venom out of him. Come on, it'll be fun! :)

My dad (while inspecting his kill), made the remark "Man, those things just look...evil." NEWS FLASH! They ARE evil! God cursed him. He is evil.  Genesis 3:14 - " And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life"...     And thou shalt also be hated by every woman ever. :) The End.